i accidentally told my friend the sweetest pick up line ever. i started talking about solipsism (the belief that everything around you was created by your mind) and i went “If everything around me is all my imagination, then you’re the best thing I’ve come up with” she was speechless for a solid five minutes.
that is fucking smooth as hell
dropping out of school to become part of a chicken nugget cult
when u r smiling for a pic and the person cant get the camera to work for like five minutes while u pose
with great power comes a great electricity bill
white vegans be like “honey is unethical because the bees worked so hard on it that’s why I like the completely ethical alternative of sugar harvested by underpaid and abused fieldworkers”
"I’d rather insects be more comfortable than Brown people"
my life is a joke and i’m not laughing anymore