SMD Tho?
+

lovemenendawit:

literally my whole life. this is it.
 (A gay couple has just met up in the restaurant and kissed each other upon arrival. Another customer has seen this and is obviously angry.)
Angry Customer: “Damn f**s.”
Gay Man: “Excuse me?”
Angry Customer: “You heard me, you little s***. Let’s not make this into some little pride protest, okay? I have to accept that you’re going to live your lifestyle, and you have to accept that I’ve got freedom of speech.”
Gay Man: *quietly* “Is it too much to ask for a little human decency?”
Angry Customer: “Human? Listen up, what you’re doing is not human. I think I have the right to determine what I think is human.”
 (The manager shows up. He’s a quiet Italian man who I assume is conservative due to the Christian imagery and portrait of Reagan he keeps around the restaurant.)
Angry Customer: *to the owner* “Hey, can you move either them or us to another table?”
 (Instead of responding to the angry customer, the owner instead speaks to his wife.)
Owner: “I’m sorry ma’am, but we have a strict ‘no pets’ policy in my restaurant.”
Wife: “Uh, I, uh, what? I don’t have a—”
Owner: “Well, according to your talking monkey over here, I can determine who’s a human and who’s not. You bring an animal into my restaurant; I gotta assume it’s your pet.”
 (The angry customer storms out. When I left, the owner was giving his description, and copies of security camera footage, to the biggest crowd of police I’ve seen. Apparently it’s a bad idea to not pay your bill at a restaurant that gives free coffee to cops.)

allofmylovetess:

idonegaffedit:

i accidentally told my friend the sweetest pick up line ever. i started talking about solipsism (the belief that everything around you was created by your mind) and i went “If everything around me is all my imagination, then you’re the best thing I’ve come up with” she was speechless for a solid five minutes.

that is fucking smooth as hell

(via kaitlynbrewster)

breakfastburritoe:

dropping out of school to become part of a chicken nugget cult

(via tothemoon-andbockaz)

witneyhouston:

when u r smiling for a pic and the person cant get the camera to work for like five minutes while u pose 

image

(via tothemoon-andbockaz)

rneerkat:

with great power comes a great electricity bill

(via encourage)

asgardreid:

infamousnfamous:

white vegans be like “honey is unethical because the bees worked so hard on it that’s why I like the completely ethical alternative of sugar harvested by underpaid and abused fieldworkers”

"I’d rather insects be more comfortable than Brown people"

(via thotdog)

dignitea:

my life is a joke and i’m not laughing anymore

(via kaitlynbrewster)

exhists:

a picture may be worth 1,000 words but my selfie is worth 100,000 notes

(Source: trait, via unsounded)